When I Move You Move

Alright so you’re outside, you’re single, you’re with your friends, and you see someone who is your type, do you make a move? 

This week, I was curious about who should make the first move when they see someone who they think is fine/gorgeous/handsome (whatever and whoever is your type) to my surprise, fewer men participated in this question than last week. I wonder if this is because it is typical (in men and women relationships) that the men usually approach whoever catches their eye. (I am not going to lie I am quite curious how this works in the LGBTQIA+ community).

For me personally, when I’m out it depends on the vibe of the man. I have no problem shooting my shot especially if I think he’s fine. But he has to be FINE, FINE (😍😍). When I say shoot my shot, I mean making a little more eye contact than normal or a smile with a hint of, 'heyyyyyy' in that smile. However, I do like the man to at least notice me, smile at me, compliment me, do or say something! I can typically tell if he finds me attractive prior to me "shooting my shot".

Based on Instagram, here are the top three replies

1. "The man should approach me", was the number one response.

2. "It does not matter, speak up, stop playing games, if you want someone just say it", was also a common statement.

3. Lastly, women admitted they go after the man they want. These were my favorite replies to read because they all came with a story.

I spoke to my mother about this, she was flabbergasted 😂. She said she has never and would never approach a man first. Of course, generationally, I was not surprised by her reaction. But when I talk to women who are in their 30s and early 40s they say go after the man you find attractive while you are out. I have been told to, "go after the man you want because you’re more likely to be (drumroll please) happier!" from my older sisters. 

Receiving this advice has honestly changed my perspective. Going after the men who are your type just might lead to being more satisfied. Even if it doesn’t work out or you find out he ain’t shit, at least he was a handsome face to wake up to or Facetime for a while.

As for the traditional girlies, I am not mad at waiting or preferring the man approach you. In this situation you know bare minimum he is attracted to you and, I guess, "wants" you. It is safe and feels great knowing they had their eyes on you. In fact, it feels fantastic because then it can come off like they picked you out of all the people in the room (if the approach happens in real life). But does it really matter when it comes down to it?

I mean regardless we all want love, right? If you wait for the other person to approach you, you both might be left alone and sad. There is no coincidence that the people who said, "it doesn't matter just speak up." about 60-70% of them were in relationships. 

When talking to a few men about being hit on by women, they could not deny that they love it. From the few women who said they approach men first, they typically stated it is all good in the beginning, but then men start to act like they are the prize. For the girlies this has happened to, I just want to say I think we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. 

No one can force someone to act right. I think it comes down to the right person at the right time. This obviously sucks because the journey it takes to find the right person can be an ugly one. But whether you approach him, or he approaches you it comes down to one thing- if they wanted to they would.

So I guess I have to agree with those who say it does not matter and to quit playing games. To the single women who like men to approach them, I must ask how far has that gotten you in life? Are you in a better situation than those who approach men? To the men, you gotta stop acting like that when a baddie lets you know she is interested. I understand, pu**y is power but you also have to respect it! Damn.

To everyone, regardless of who approaches who, you gotta throw the ball so they can catch it. So y'all can be happy in the field together, ya dig? So ladies, don’t be afraid of rejection and men well if you want her you gotta come correct and STAY correct. Don't be out here introducing her to a vibe you can not maintain.  

With nothing but love,

Siri Sonora